the Wedding - 150 Questions for Muslims to Ask Before Getting
Married by M.
In Islam, marriage
preparation is multi-dimensional. The first step in the
marriage preparation process is that a person does some
introspection to see if they are really ready for marriage.
This would include determining your values and beliefs and
what type of spouse you will make. It is advisable to make istikhara
prayers, a prayer for guidance. Istikhara is where one
asks Allah to guide them to the best choice possible in any
matter including when seeking a spouse. Building a personal
relationship with Allah is vital to being a good spouse as it
will purify your intentions and help you clearly analyze the
reasons for wanting to marry a particular person.
When selecting a
spouse, everyone has certain qualities they are looking for.
It is reported in a hadith (tradition of Prophet
Muhammad) that the Prophet Muhammad (pbuh) said, "A woman
is to be married for four reasons; for her property, status,
beauty or religion; so try to marry the one who is
religious" (Muslim). Of course, this hadith
relates to what women should look for in men as well.
two people seeking to get married should have a wali
(guardian) involved in the process who will oversee and guide
the couple. The wali are usually the parents of the
couple. Muslims who have non-Muslim parents, should still
consult their parents and involve them in the "courting
process". However, if the non-Muslim parents are
unreceptive to Islam, it is suggested that the person ask
their Imam (religious leader) to take on the position
parents is paramount in Islam and taking note of their advice
when selecting a spouse is essential. Marriage is the union of
more than just two individuals; it is bringing together two
families, and thus the process should include both
families............Additionally, a couple should never be
completely alone with one another before marriage because this
would be khulwa. Khulwa is when a single man and single
woman are alone together where no one can see them, thereby
tempting them to commit fornication. A couple should always
act with respect and mmodesty toward one another.
Finally, it is
suggested that the couple find a mediator who can act as
mentor to the young couple and open their eyes to the reality
of marriage. A knowledgeable person trusted by both parties is
an asset to a couple before the wedding, since he /she could
be consulted should any problems arise after they are married.