Between Husband & Wife
- The Modern Religion
Subject: Re: Sexual Relations Between Husband
Hello. As a recently married Muslim, I was hoping someone
could refer me to sources which can guide me as to what is
permissible in Islam between a man and his wife. I once heard
of an Islamic book called "Perfumed Garden"? Is
there such a publication? Or could someone suggest other
sources. In particular, I needed to know what the five schools
of thought advised on oral sex or fellatio. Please email or
post responses. Thank you.
May Allah bless
you and your wife with his blessing and unite you in harmony
The book you
mentioned, "The Perfumed Garden", was written in
Tunisia in the 16th century A.D. by Cheikh 'Omar bin Sidi en-Nefzawi.
It is a sort of marriage manual written in a rather
provocative and lewd style. Even the author himself
acknowledges its lascivious nature by ending it with these
words: "I have indeed committed a sin by writing this
book. Forgive me O Thou to whom we call not in vain. O Allah,
do not confound me for this on the Day of Judgment. And you, O
Reader, I beg you to say 'Amen'." The book is an
interesting historical and cultural oddity; it is not to be
recommended as an educational manual for married couples.
of conjugal love in Islam are few and uncomplicated.
relations are for the pleasure of both the husband and the
wife and for the procreation of children. Sexual intercourse
is not limited to vaginal penetration but includes other forms
of sexual caressing, such as kissing and fondling of various
2. Nothing should
be done that is offensive or harmful to either person. Each
has a duty to be sexually available to the other, but neither
has the right to disgust or injure the other.
3. With a few
exceptions, the couple can engage in any activities that they
like, in any manner and in any position. Allah rewards such
activities as surely as he punishes sinful activities. The
Qur'an says, "Women are your fields. Go then into your
fields as you please." (2:223)
4. It is
forbidden to have vaginal intercourse while a woman is
menstruating (Qur'an 2:222). According to the Sunnah of the
Prophet (God's grace and peace be upon him), a man and his
menstruating wife can however give one another pleasure so
long as the woman's genitals are avoided.
5. There are
ahadith that forbid anal intercourse and scholars generally
agree that it is not permissible. However, in his tafsir
(commentary) Tabaari (3d century A.H.) while forbidding
sodomy, says that earlier authorities were divided on the
6. The Qur'an and
the Sunnah are generally silent as to the various forms that
sexual relations may take. Most authorities consider that it
is up to the husband and wife in love and mutual respect to
decide how to physically express their sexual desires.
7. What goes on
in bedroom, is a private matter and should not be discussed or
revealed to other persons unless there is some necessity, such
as health or safety. Abu Hurairah narrates that the Prophet (pbuh)
said this about people who reveal and discuss openly their
sexual practices: "Do you know what those who do this are
like? Those who do this are like a male and female devil who
meet each other on the road and satisfy their desire while the
people look on."
Islam the husband and the wife choose their sexual activities
according to the sure teaching of the Qur'an, in the light of
the Sunnah as we are able to understand and appreciate it, in
mutual respect for one another and knowing that the only
witness to the expression of their desires will be Allah the
Exalted, who will judge them according to their deeds and
their heartfelt intentions.
The question of
the lawfulness of oral-genital contact is difficult because
there are many opinions. For some, it is forbidden. For
others, tolerated. For some it is lawful. Some consider it to
be lawful as long as the couple use such contacts as foreplay
and conclude their love-making with vaginal intercourse.
I believe that
this is a matter to be decided by the husband and wife
together after seeking the guidance of Allah, who alone knows
all who seek God's face.